Spiritual Drought

Show me your ways, O LORD,
 teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me,
 for you are God my Savior,
 and my hope is in you all day long.

Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.

Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD.

Psalm 25:4-7

At the beginning of this year I received a reading plan to assist in reading through the entire bible in one year.  The above passage really touched my heart, as I have been so caught up in the things I’ve done, said, and thought that are displeasing to God.  I’ve asked God’s forgiveness yet haven’t been able to let go of the past and this has greatly hindered my growing in Christ.

I can tell you from experience that if you are a Christian and your wholesome thoughts, values, and habits are deteriorating and being replaced with harmful ones, it is time to get a hold of it now.  You may not even realize you are slipping away because it happens so gradually.  The devil knows you aren’t going to wake up one day and jump into sin with both feet so he subtly chips away at our character.  And it is a double-edged sword.  He knows where our weaknesses lie and uses every opportunity to expose them.  Then, when we are immersed in sin he uses guilt and shame to ensure we can’t or won’t dig ourselves out of the pit.

God gives us very clear rules to protect us.  If you came across a very slow gas leak you would not see how close you could get to it with a match.  You would turn around and run.  That is how we are supposed to handle temptation.  Yet because we cannot (or will not) see an immediate threat, we play with fire.  Some get burned worse than others but it is inevitable that in one way or the other - you, me, and anyone who closes their eyes to their convictions – will get burned.

My spiritual life really suffered last year, so when the New Year approached I looked forward to making some changes.  I had gotten lazy and basically stopped going to church.  I read the bible and prayed only when I felt anxious and alone.  I knew I had to reconnect with God but I just felt so dead inside, I didn’t know where to start.  I couldn’t beg God to change me because much of the change I needed to make depended on my will.

Late last year I got the opportunity to catch up with an old friend who I thought had long since forgotten about me.  I bought her a very belated baby gift and used that as an excuse to visit her church.  Still, it took a couple weeks before I finally went.  Even that day I woke up, having slept in, and told myself it was too late to go.  But I just did it.  I got up, I made it on time, and it completely changed my day.  Had I stayed home as usual that day I would be restless and down the rest of the day.

It is amazing what a simple decision can do for your frame of mind.  I knew all along what was missing in my life, I just wouldn’t go out and get it.  Yes, many will say that you don’t have to go to church to be religious, but I know for myself, I do.  I can tell myself that I will just stay home on Sunday and read the bible, and even if I follow through it doesn’t come close to being in the house of God, surrounded by other believers.

Good and upright is the LORD;
       therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

He guides the humble in what is right
       and teaches them his way.

All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
       for those who keep the demands of his covenant.

For the sake of your name, O LORD,
       forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ?
       He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.

He will spend his days in prosperity,
       and his descendants will inherit the land.

The LORD confides in those who fear him;
       he makes his covenant known to them.

My eyes are ever on the LORD,
       for only he will release my feet from the snare.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
       for I am lonely and afflicted.

The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
       free me from my anguish.

Look upon my affliction and my distress
       and take away all my sins.

This passage really hit home for me today, as the words David is saying have been my prayer many times.  David made a lot of terrible decisions and as a result brought a lot of trouble on himself.  Yet the thing that remained consistent with him was his love for God and desire to follow him.  Despite all the sins he committed God still found him to be a man after his own heart (Acts 13:22).  This should give you new hope that whatever you’ve done, whatever you’re doing, God doesn’t want you to hide from him.  He will not end your spiritual drought unless you ask him, and are willing to do whatever you can to be restored to him.

And it doesn’t end there.  There will be failures.  I have got up on my feet many times only to fall again and again.  But that doesn’t mean we lie down and die.  We keep trying.  God knows us inside and out.  He knows we’re not perfect and he knows we’re weak.  We are not supposed to let sin get the best of us, and yes, that means after we’ve sinned and asked forgiveness are not supposed to let it continue to drag us down.  What would be the purpose of God’s forgiveness then? And what are we saying about his forgiveness if we ask for it, get it, but then don’t accept it?

Every day is a battle between good and evil.  We face choices all the time about how much good and evil we will allow into our lives.  With good, we can never allow enough into our lives.  With bad, there is NO safe amount. 

But each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Don't be deceived, my dear brothers.

James 1:14-16

One More Reason

Be sober; be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

1 Peter 5:8

Imagine having an enemy that hated you so strongly, so much that they wanted nothing more than to see you suffer and die.  They would make it their personal mission to watch your every move and exploit your mistakes and weaknesses.  Nothing would bring them greater joy than if something went wrong in your life, especially if they were responsible.

You do have an enemy like that.  So does every human on this earth.  He hates even the unborn and newborn babies and it’s his victory to see millions of them die each year.  He loves to see stepparents and even parents abuse their own children.  Rape, murder, incest, pedophilia, and many other disgusting things delight him.  He mocks those who worship him and think they have a friend in him.  He hates them just as much, too, and cannot wait to see their faces when they go to hell and realize how wrong they were.

The best part for him is, many people believe he doesn’t exist.  They believe the Devil was invented by religious organizations to “scare people straight”.  A lot of people believe in God and have read the Bible – which references Satan countless times – but still believe he was an invention.  People whine and lament, “If God is good why is there so much suffering?” but rarely ponder, “If the Devil doesn’t exist how can there be so much evil in the world?”  How can criminals rape and murder little children, or blow away entire families, ones they barely know or don’t know at all? Do teenagers dress in black, murder their families and worship vampires just for kicks? Can this all be attributed to mental illness, personality disorders or is there a greater power at work?

There are people who seem to coast through life.  They have ups and downs but nothing really major.  They are indifferent to suffering because they’ve never really experienced it.  The concept of Satan, and maybe even God isn’t important.

Others struggle, and it seems once they’ve overcome one difficulty in their life, another one is present.  I think of those people as the wounded or sick, the ones lions prey on first.  Some get sick of fighting, conclude their life is hopeless and resort to drugs, alcohol, cutting themselves, and suicide.

For most of us, good and evil is an everyday battle.  We are conscious of our own weaknesses, and guess what? So is the Devil.  That is why each of us face very individual battles.  We wonder if there is anyone out there going through the same thing and usually, there is.  We feel alone, ashamed, and afraid to talk to others because we don’t know what they will think of us.

Do you ever wonder why the same struggles keep popping up in front of you? For the young man struggling with homosexual feelings, it seems everywhere he turns there is temptation – a gay supervisor at work who takes interest in him, a friend who suddenly “comes out” and confesses his attraction for him, etc.

Or you have the individual who deals with anger and rage and keeps being confronted by difficult people who seem to know how to push his buttons?

Or the lonely girl who can’t seem to find the right guy - everywhere she turns it seems the wrong guy is there, expressing interest in her and telling her everything she wants to hear.  And when she finally breaks away there is another waiting.

The good news is that we can use these negative situations to our advantages.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

No matter what Oprah, Eckert Tolle, Neale Donald Walsch (or anyone else who endorses or writes a book with recycled, New Age and self-help concepts) says, there is only one way.  Many have tried to change themselves, how they feel inside and what they are, but I know from experience that only Christ can make that change.  And many Christians (including myself) struggle because they have not fully submitted to God.  They hang onto their own ways and understanding.  Some may even feel or convince themselves they don’t need God.  But for anyone who has turned to Christ and away from their past will testify it is the ONLY WAY.

The fact that we face adversity everyday – whether it’s spiritual, physical, and emotional - is one more reason to live a pure life. 

• Eliminate all the garbage that is dragging you down and giving the Enemy ammunition.
•  Recognize the traps he sets out for you and identify them each time as that. 
• If you cannot deal with what you’re going through on your own, and self-talk is just not doing it for you it may be time to talk to someone who can help.

Sins, struggles, weaknesses are worst when kept hidden and in the dark.  Once you bring it out into the light (and I’m not saying stand up at the front of your church and broadcast to everyone this Sunday) it eliminates the shame and secrecy that the Devil is bonding you with.  Of course you feel embarrassed, sinful, and filthy and he wants to make sure you continue feeling that way.  He uses it to keep you from reaching out to others because he knows once you do that it has broken a foothold he has on you. 

And you might be very surprised.  The mature Christian you confide in - whether it’s a counselor, pastor, friend, and coworker - may have gone through similar struggles or know others who have experienced the same.  It can be very comforting to know that you’re not alone, and not going crazy!

I’ve said it before, but choose wisely.  Just because someone says he or she is a Christian does not mean they are the right ones to talk to.  Christians have said damaging things to others either because they are not in a healthy place themselves, they are stressed, proud, or simply didn’t bother to hear a person out or try to understand.  This results in lack of trust for others and more secrecy.  And you better believe the Devil also has a hand in putting those in your way who you think may help you.

But there is an old saying, “Don’t look for a Devil under every rock.”  I am not trying to say that the Devil is responsible for everything that goes wrong and that he should be blamed for everything.  We still need to be wise and prudent about our decisions and accept responsibility.  He is, however, more than happy to take credit for all of it.  Don’t give him that recognition. 

I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.

Matthew 10:16

Many charismatics blame their all the actions on the Devil, spirits, and remove all responsibility from themselves when in fact they are sinning willfully. 

But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.

Isaiah 59:2

When it comes right down to it, it is one way or the other: Believing in Jesus to lead us to God, or Satan.  And no matter what ideas we come up with, what psuedo-spiritual books we read and embrace, what “seems” right and fair to us, if we do not believe that Jesus is God’s son, and that He sent Him to die for ALL the sins of the world - yours, mine, Hitler’s, Charles Manson’s – we all have the same chance, and the same choice to make. 

Last night we were talking about hell and a question was asked, “How can a good man who is not a believer, who may even live a better life than believers, go to hell simply because he hasn’t accepted Jesus? The same hell that Adolf Hilter is in for killing millions of people?”

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.

As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

The problem we run into is we think we can understand God.  Our understanding is a less than microscopic fraction of God’s, if that! He created us, and has given each and every one of us an opportunity to find out his purpose for our lives.  He even gave us the bible, His word, to get to know him.  What stands in most people’s way, “good” or “bad” is the original sin: PRIDE.

To believe that an All Mighty God who gave us life does not have the right to tell us to believe in His son, who he sent to earth to die for all the sinful people (and that includes you and me) and give them a chance to go to Heaven if they simply believe in that, to insist we deserve Heaven without believing in His son, is arrogant and proud.

On a smaller scale it would be like the child who disobeyed, disrespected, and took for granted everything his parents did for him.  Then when he reaches 18, he disowns them, moves away and does as he pleases.  Despite their efforts to help him and provide for them he takes advantage of them and has nothing to do with them.  And then in the end, when they die he expects his inheritance.  When his sibling, who has been obedient and kind all his life inherits the entire estate, does the rebellious son really have a right to feel unjustified?

 We all have our choices, and there is enough opportunity out there to investigate Christianity, if we really wanted to.  But most of us don’t.  That is where faith comes in.  I’ve talked to engineers who will rip apart the bible and say this doesn’t make sense, and that doesn’t…they need everything broken down for them so they can understand before they believe.  But they won’t.

The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

John 1:5

All through the bible, God and Jesus are impressed with faith.  Jesus healed people based on them simply believing He is who He is.  The thief on the cross simply acknowledged Jesus had done no wrong and did not deserve to die with himself and the other thief, and Jesus promised him he would be with Him in Heaven.  I never took the time to think about the significance of that passage before.  Here Jesus was suffering, dying, most of the people were watching and mocking, others were weeping, and He managed this short conversation with a criminal.  And the writers of the bible (who, YES, God spoke through and gave them the words to say) included this.  The point is simply this: believe in Christ and you will be saved.

Maybe you blame God for a difficult or unfair life? Just have a look at organizations such as Compassion where children are living in poverty yet them and their families are still praising God for the little they receive from Canada and the USA, for food, clothing, water and schooling.  What do you consider difficult and unfair?

For most, life is “unfair”, but it’s short, and time is running out.  Christians are even wasting their time away being Sunday Christians and not living the life they are supposed to, being terrible witnesses for unbelievers and making them think, “How are they any different than me?”

I’ve digressed from my original point that the Devil is real and out to destroy us.  I’ve listed off many of his personal tactics to divert us from Christ.  In addition, he uses false religions who all say they are the only way…why should Christianity be any different? He uses new and improved “faiths” that seem to make a lot more sense and easier to live by, to attract non-believers and even some weak Christians.  He uses hypocrites and judgmental Christians to hurt those who may truly be looking, turning them off of Christianity altogether.  Don’t let a bad Christian or a hypocritical organization deter you from seeking the truth, and don’t use them to justify not investigating Christianity thus cheating you out of eternal life. 

If you feel you have covered all the bases and satisfied that what you believe is correct, then for you, I guess it is.  My neighbors, an elderly couple passed away, one virtually after the other.  Good people, but atheist their whole lives did not make even a deathbed confession, when they would have nothing to lose. 

Don’t make yourself a “puzzle” religion, where you can put together the pieces from the bible, your own beliefs, and teachings of men, not assembling the pieces you don’t want.  It’s one way or the other, and seeing what’s going on in this world and all the evil that’s happening is one more reason to think very carefully about your eternal destination, why you are here, and how did you get here.

If you don’t believe, you don’t believe it.  It’s as simple as that. 

His Time

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Matthew 6:33

I have talked endlessly through this website about spending time with God in order to restore and maintain peace inside.  I’ve emphasized the importance of putting Him first.  Yet no one needs to take this advice more than myself.  No matter how many times He’s shown me how much I need him I always tend to drift away.  It is easy to need Him when I don’t have anyone else, but when things are going well He seems to be the last priority on my list.

I woke up this morning feeling lower and more alone than I can ever remember feeling in my life.  A few days ago I found out that someone from my past who had caused me a significant amount of pain – and who had left town – was back.  I thought I had dealt with it years ago but this made me realize how strong and real my feelings about this still are, and how much bitterness, fear, and unforgiveness I still harbored. 

It was as if a cloud of depression had come over me.  I couldn’t stop crying and couldn’t understand why I felt this way.  I considered going back to bed, to sleep because I didn’t think I could make it through the day.

I knew this was a blatant attack from the Devil but for once I was strong.  I grabbed my books, a hot cup of coffee and went out on the deck knowing deep in my heart God would pound this out of me like He always does, through His word and prayer.

About a month ago when I was experiencing feeling of unforgiveness and bitterness towards others who I felt had “wronged” me, I bought a few books including one called Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall.  I knew my anger towards others was wrong and weighing me down.  I had never had a greater urge than today to open it up.

I found myself pouring over it, practically using up my hi-lighter for all the good points he was making.  The best part was that he was writing based on his experience with unforgiveness towards others, so it wasn’t like a writer giving pat answers and step-by-step text book self-help.  It also made me realize that there are people out there who have experienced hurts much worse in comparison to mine.  There have been parents who’ve had to face their child’s murderer in court and decide between hating them the rest of their lives or forgiving them.  Robert Rule was one of the few who offered his forgiveness to the Green River Killer, Gary Ridgeway, after Ridgeway killed his 16 year-old daughter among many, many young women.  Ridgeway broke down and turned away.  Up until then many relatives of his victims told him to “rot in hell”.

I’ve never been one to claim God speaks directly to me, and if He does it is so subtle I mistaken it for my own thoughts.  But today I believe He spoke to me, because it was to His glory and my peace that I listen to Him.

Resorting to old habits to find comfort in my distress, I went inside to get the phone and call a listening ear.  But as soon as I opened my patio door, something was telling me…

This is MY time. 

God wasn’t done with me yet.  It wasn’t enough that I read half of a book and portions of the Bible, and had finished crying my eyes out.  He didn’t want me for an hour.  He wanted me most of, if not, all day.  I could feel it and I knew it.

I wrote a prayer to God forgiving everyone I had grudges against.  I asked Him forgiveness for not forgiving others as He does.  I asked forgiveness for the things I had done against others.  After all, Jesus was near death and He could still say about those who were crucifying him:

Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.

Luke 23:34

Have we been dealt an injustice worse than Jesus? He was perfect and came to earth to die for the sins of everyone, even those who hate him and curse him.  He was beaten beyond recognition yet still loved and forgave each person who had done this to Him.  And He continues to do this for us who continuously sin against Him.

He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.

Micah 7:19

I burnt the prayer in my fireplace.  My grudges, anger, and resentment went up in smoke.

If only it was that easy.  The Devil likes conflict.  He likes hatred.  He will turn up the heat in terms of causing more dissention.  But you know what we often forget (I do)? God is on our side.  Just because we can’t see Him standing in front of us, fighting in our defense doesn’t mean He isn’t.  We’re more inclined to take it on for ourselves first and then come running to Him when we know we can’t fight anymore.

I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Hebrews 13:5

He will never leave us.  We leave Him, even if it’s temporary.  No matter how many times we turn away, then come running back in desperation, He will never leave us.

I grew restless being stuck around my apartment and decided it was a good time for some exercise.  A good run always manages to beat the bad feelings out of me.  This time I had no interest in listening to any of the secular music on my mp3 player.  I skipped by them until I found some praise and worship.  Interestingly enough, when I’m doing my own thing and not paying a whole lot of attention to God it is the opposite.  I plug the player in and skip to the secular stuff.  That is a good indication that I’m slipping.

Today I truly felt alone.  Friends are on holidays, the phone isn’t ringing, no one is emailing.  While I wondered how I would make it through the day I knew that with God’s help, I would.  Sometimes I wonder if some days God makes every person in my life unavailable so that I will focus my attention on Him, and so I will be reminded just how much I need Him?

It shouldn’t have to be that way.  He should be first on my list.  And gradually I’m learning that and making Him first, because I don’t want to feel like this ever again.  Yet if this is what it takes to make me a better and stronger Christian than so be it.

It’s been a day of emotional upheaval.  It is hard letting go of hurt and resentment yet at the same time completely necessary to live a full life.  As R.T. Kendall says in Total Forgiveness

 Bitterness will manifest itself in many ways – losing your temper, high blood pressure, irritability, sleeplessness, obsession with getting even, depression, isolation, a constant negative perspective and generally feeling unwell.

See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

Hebrews 12:15

It was a gloomy day – early August and it’s windy, cool, and cloudy.  Yet when you’re feeling close to God and living right, it doesn’t matter the weather or personal situation.  No circumstances, no matter how positive and beneficial, can over shadow peace with God.

As a final note, even though we are to put God before friends, boyfriends, husbands, etc., He gives us people to encourage and build us up.  While we should never depend on a person for our happiness, a friend should add to it – be there to confide in and talk with.  It’s amazing how much better you feel when you share another’s burdens, and know that what you’re going through isn’t foreign to others.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 

Phillipians 4:7.

Is the World Really Better This Way?

If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.

John 15:19

In June 2005, the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals in Cincinnati ordered Richland County Common Pleas Court Judge James DeWeese to remove the Ten Commandments from his courtroom. 

Click here to read more.

And in other stories...

Since that 1962 case of Engel v. Vitale, the Supreme Court has issued a series of rulings that may result in the elimination of organized observances of any religion from America's public schools. The latest and perhaps most telling decision came on June 19, 2000 when the Court ruled 6-3 that pre-kickoff prayers at high school football games violate the First Amendment's Establishment Clause, typically known as requiring the "separation of church and state.". The decision is also expected to bring an end to the delivery of invocations at graduations and other ceremonies. (Santa Fe Independent School District v. Doe)

Click here to read more.

Christianity has faced more opposition than perhaps any other faith or religion and will continue to.   We can take comfort in Jesus's words:

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. 

John 16:33

Living as a Christian and striving to be more like Christ is a challenge and even a frustration to even the strongest Christian.  We're constantly under fire, both by the world and the supernatural.  As people stray from God and assert themselves in their own beliefs, disobeying his laws and doing their own thing, I don't see a whole lot more happiness.  In fact, there is more abuse, murder, divorce, drugs, alcoholism, premarital and extramarital sex, unwanted pregnancies, abortion, homosexuality, bisexuality and beastiality than ever before.  And it's going to get worse.

How much different would things be if the simple, common sense of the ten commandments were obeyed?

Open your eyes and stop rationalizing that you don't have to obey an "old book written by men" (which in fact it was written by men who God spoke to).  I encourage you to read through this article and open your mind and heart.

After God’s Own Heart

I’ve never read more than a few chapters to a few pages of the Psalms at a time until today.  This morning I woke after a restless sleep filled with bizarre and disturbing dreams, with a feeling of darkness and heaviness on me.  Relieved I wasn’t scheduled to work until later, I curled up on the couch with my bible.  The Psalms seemed most appropriate today.

As I read through the chapters I couldn’t believe how much David reminded me of myself.  Sometimes he is praising God.  Other times he’s begging for God’s help.  Often he’s doing both in the same chapter.  Occasionally he laments about injustice.  But the thing I find most interesting about David is that although he committed some terrible sins he was still considered to have “a perfect heart with the Lord his God” (1 Kings 11:4 KJV).  David made some big mistakes, but was sincere in asking forgiveness and growing in a relationship with God.

David still had to live with the consequences of his sins.  The baby that was born as a result of his adulterous affair with Bathsheba died (2 Samuel 12:18).  He would also have to live with the guilt of causing an innocent man’s death. 

God does not set the rules to hurt us; rather, he puts them there to protect us.  He knows the consequences of sin, the biggest being separation from him and warns us.  If we disobey him and genuinely ask forgiveness (meaning we are really sorry and will not continue to do what we did) he will forgive our sins and allow us to start fresh, meaning he will not use our sins against us.

God’s forgiveness is not a free ticket to sin.  Some professing Christians claim they can do what they want because God will always forgive them.  A true Christian will not willingly disobey God to get what he or she wants.  A true Christian may screw up but they are actually sorry and disgusted by what they did, and do not want to do it again. 

There are also genuine Christians that are in bondage to sin like pornography, sexual addiction, homosexuality…they ignored the early warning signs and dug themselves in a little bit at a time, until they were so deep they could not climb out.  They will need prayer and support from others because they can no longer handle it on their own.

Help, LORD, for the godly man ceases!

For the faithful disappear from among the sons of men.  Psalms 12:1

I feel like this more and more when I see friends who were once strong Christians turn away from their faith and live a sinful lifestyle.  And I see it every day; people turning their backs on God to do their own thing. 

The fool has said in his heart, “There is no God.” 

They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none who does good.

The LORD looks down from heaven upon the children of men, to see if there are any who understand, who seek God.  They have all turned aside, they have together become corrupt; there is none who does good, No, not one.  Psalm 14:1-3

Few of us sincerely seek God with our whole hearts.  We get up in the morning and rush off to work without preparing ourselves for the day with prayer and reading God’s word.  We stay busy all day and come home exhausted at night, sitting in front of the TV to “unwind” but really we’re packing more junk into our heads.  At bedtime we’re too tired to read the bible and maybe attempt to pray but fall asleep partway through.  Morning comes and we start the whole cycle over.  We may have a good day and get some reading in prayer in, but if it’s not consistent it is no different than going on a diet one day and eating junk food the rest.

It isn’t until we wake up feeling the way I did today, craving nothing but God’s word to bring comfort, that we have no choice but to put everything else aside and reconnect with God.

We were never expected to be perfect, but we are expected to do our best.  We start to slip when we allow little bits of the world into us.  Instead of saying, “It’s not right” we say, “its not that bad”.  Do you notice your attitude and maybe even language changing around certain people? Do you act differently? Would people you talk to at church be surprised if they were to watch you interact at work? I’m sure at this point they would for me.

Sometimes the subtlest things reflect our faith: being positive, honest, refraining from gossip, swearing and telling off color jokes, being cooperative instead of argumentative. 

LORD, who may abide in Your tabernacle?
         Who may dwell in Your holy hill?
   He who walks uprightly,
         And works righteousness,
         And speaks the truth in his heart;
 He who does not backbite with his tongue,
         Nor does evil to his neighbor,
         Nor does he take up a reproach against his friend;
 In whose eyes a vile person is despised,
         But he honors those who fear the LORD;
         He who swears to his own hurt and does not change;
 He who does not put out his money at usury,
         Nor does he take a bribe against the innocent.
         
         He who does these things shall never be moved. 

Psalm 15

I want to walk upright and work righteous.  I want to see the red flags and steer away as soon as they pop up.  I want to be solid.  I want to never be moved.  We may still have those times of darkness we cannot explain, but the stronger we build our foundation on God, the harder it will be to break it!

Clean

I hear the Savior say, “Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in me thine all in all.”

Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Jesus Paid It All - Alvina M. Hall, 1865

Nothing feels better than the feeling of being clean.  After a long day of working outside we crave to come in, hit the shower, and scrub every last bit of dirt and grime from our bodies.  A messy home with stacks of dirty dishes and laundry makes us feel drab and unmotivated while walking into a sparkling home with the smell of cleaners still in the air makes us feel exhilarated. 

I write to you at a time where I feel like my inner domain is covered in filth, with garbage piling up around my heart and soul.  For the past few months I’ve felt possibly more depressed than I’ve ever been, having my best friend and love of my life walk away.  They say that time heals all wounds, which is true to some point.  But still a certain object or place will trigger a memory that is almost crippling to think about.

I tell you this not to gain sympathy, as I know others experience much harder losses such as death of a loved one, critical illness, etc.  I tell you this simply to tell somebody.  If you asked my family or friends they would probably tell you that I’m doing better than I ever have before, and this is what I have led them to believe.  When I’m around people I can put on a tremendous show – I can laugh hard, have fun and appear that I am enjoying my life.  But once I return to my empty apartment the feelings return. 

I’ve felt sad, angry, resentful, bitter, and sometimes just numb.  I walk around like a robot until I can no longer take the bottled up feelings and break down and cry.  I’ve wished that I could reach deep inside of me and tear the hurt out.  I’ve feared that it’s been so long that it’s actually taking root and will be there for a long time, maybe even forever.  I’ve wanted to hide from everyone.  I’ve wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.  I’ve made bad choices to numb the pain.

And every day, whether I want to or not, I wake up, get up and get through the day.  At times the only thing that has brought me comfort and kept me going is the knowledge that God loves me, he chose me, and he wants what’s best for me.  So no matter what happens, if I keep my eyes on him everything will be okay.  I may not be overflowing with happiness and strong enough to take whatever life throws at me, but I will have him.

How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!

Hebrews 9:14

Living a clean, pure life does not happen automatically.  Like developing a good habit, it takes constant effort.  It’s easier to eat take-out and junk food than to plan and eat healthy meals, but if you don’t you will essentially become filled with garbage.  And that’s how our spiritual lives work as well.  If we fill our lives with junk, eventually it will affect how we think, feel and even act.  You will find, however, the longer you live right and harder you try to obey God, the more strength you will gain.  Maybe you’re like me and feel you’re stuck in a rut, and anytime you make the slightest progress in climbing out you fall back in.  If you can overcome whatever it is causing you to fall, you will climb out of your rut and be back on the road to wholeness.

No matter what has happened and what you have done, it is not too late.  Like the father of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) he is waiting for you to come home.

Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.

Romans 4:7

Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7

While sorrow, sadness and loss is a part of life, it is not the part of life.  Many Christians act believe they have to be in a constant state of soberness, mourning for their spiritual shortcomings but that isn’t so.  While sin is no joke and we’re not to take it lightly, we’re not to let it drag us down, either.  God wants us to be effective for him, not dwelling on sin in our lives that we have already asked forgiveness for, or allowing unconfessed sin to drag us deeper into a pit.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

He will make us clean again.  We just have to be willing to ask him, and be faithful to change and live life to it’s fullest for him.

Old Habits Die Hardest

We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the one who was born of God keeps him safe, and the evil one cannot harm him.

1 John 5:18

Many people have a list of things they would like to do, minor or major improvements including anything from renovating a room in the house to starting an exercise program.  Still, many of us find a hard time accomplishing what we set out to do because of a lack of motivation.  It feels a lot better to come home after work and sit on the couch tired than to start physical work.

In the same way, our spiritual lives are always in need of remodeling, but we find ourselves falling back on the same old habits that keep us in that rut.

Yesterday, a client told me that she is at the point that if she doesn’t exercise, she will feel bad for a couple of days! She needs the exercise to keep her feeling good and normal, and if she doesn’t do it she will fall back to a place she doesn’t want to be.  That is a good place to be in, especially spiritually.  While there are no immediate consequences for going days without prayer or reading the bible, our spirits start to deteriorate slowly. 

So why is it so hard to do something that will make us feel so good? No immediate result is one thing.  I have given up on so many health regimes because it’s just too much work and takes too long.  It’s easier to give up and start planning for the next idea, one that will hopefully be more effective.  You will find a lot of people saying, “I have to get back into this, and I have to get back into that”.  By saying it, it somehow validates it in their minds that they are actually doing something.

I think we also set our goals too high so that when we cannot accomplish them right away we get frustrated and give up.  We need to start off slow, and be consistent with everything we do – exercise, devotions, and hobbies.  Unless something is our passion, it will be difficult to do. 

Christ can become a passion if we really want him to be.  The folks that are driven to praise God and when they talk about him, it pours out of their hearts didn’t get there overnight.  Christians have a natural hatred for sin and crave what is good and right, even if they are not living the way they’re supposed to be.  Some new Christians report that before they found Christ they knew something was wrong with how they were living.  Their friends seemed to enjoy life but they always felt something was missing.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

2 Corinthians 5:17

No matter where you are at right now, if Christ has called you and you have him in your life, you have a fresh start! No matter what you’ve done, you can choose to start living right.  1 John 5:18 is a little confusing in that anyone born of God does not continue to sin.  You may say, “I am a Christian yet I sin all the time!”  The difference is you are now aware of it, you confess it, and hopefully try to not repeat the same sin over again.

If you call yourself a Christian yet live a sinful lifestyle, with no guilt or simply just keep confessing your sins to God as a free ticket to sin, then you should truly consider where you stand.  A true Christian cannot disobey God and mock Christ by professing him, then rejecting his instructions.

Now here is where the lines get blurred a bit – private sin.  This is when a person is basically trapped in a sinful lifestyle whether an illicit sexual relationship, pornography addiction, etc. and because no one else knows about it they have no one to be accountable to.  In fact, shame keeps them from telling anyone and so they continue to live alone with their guilt. Few choose to get addicted to things that wound our spirit, things that carry with them all kinds of consequences.  We feel we cannot stop, because it’s such an addicting habit.  The Enemy is right along with us, making sure we keep digging ourselves deeper using shame against us.  “How could a good Christian do these things?” “You can’t tell anyone, they would judge you.”  He loves to convince us that we are good for nothing so he can continue to tear us down.

Like cockroaches scattering when they are exposed to light, once your sin is out in the open whether with a trusted friend, family or pastor much of the grip is loosened.  You can start to get help and freedom from the addictive behavior.  And as much as I would like to say getting it off your chest breaks the cycle for good and you’re free, the devil does not let go that easily.  He uses our weaknesses against us, and will know precisely when you are most vulnerable.  It’s usually in the quietness of our homes, when there is no one around to talk to that he strikes again.  We feel strong throughout the day but once we’re alone again we are susceptible.  And because we have already committed a certain sin it makes it that much easier to do again.  If there is no one around, and you feel the tiniest bit tempted turn to God in prayer, don’t turn away. 

Have you ever felt a headache coming on but didn’t bother to take anything for it, because you thought you could handle it? Gradually it turns into a booming headache, incapacitating you for the day and making you beyond the help of any pill.  That is what will happen if you let temptation go untreated.  “I can handle it” are very famous last words.

In case you’re wondering how I know these things is because I have been there and experienced it.  Many times I have written something like this, gone away feeling strong, and returned to my quiet house at night to be filled with all kinds of temptations.  I am half expecting it to happen tonight because it has happened so many times before.  What can I do? I can prepare myself now that I know what to expect!

Why do we sin? It’s easy, and it provides quick pleasure, something we don’t have to wait and work for.  The catch is that it is temporary, and the guilt far outlasts whatever it is we did or are doing.  That may be why people bury themselves in sin – once they quench the Holy Spirit (meaning your conscience is numb, no longer bothered) they can go on doing whatever they want.  And do not be deceived, if you keep turning your back on God and closing your eyes to what you know is right, there may come a time where he doesn’t bother trying to bring you back.

There is one more thing to keep in mind when starting (or starting fresh) in your Christian journey:

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

1 Corinthians 10: 12-13

How many times have you felt you’re at your strongest then fallen so hard? You’re left shaking your head wondering, what happened? Just as I said with writing about Christ and then facing overwhelming temptation after, it seems like when we think we are close to God that this is an opportune time for the devil to mess it up, and make fools of us.  If we are not on our guard we will get side swiped.  The second part of that verse reminds us that God is faithful.  He will not force us not to give in to temptation, he will simply provide the way out and we have to take it.  It we keep focusing on what we want rather than what’s right, we most likely will fail.

I strongly recommend the book, When Godly People Do Ungodly Things by Beth Moore.  It provides detailed explanations as to how Christian people can fall, and become engulfed in sin.  It also talks about how to get out, and how to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

God bless you in your journey.  I assure you that you are not alone!

Help

In the past couple weeks I have been shown that everything I have written about on this site – experiences, lessons learned, advice, etc. hasn’t been much more than just words and emotion.  I’ve written assuredly about how strong I thought that I had become over the past years and now realize how little there was to back it up.  I didn’t realize how weak and helpless I was until I was really put to the test by being asked to give up one of the most important things in my life.

Following that was a chain of events that left me feeling violated, angry and bitter.  I’ve always prided myself on being a fairly positive person but after the last few weeks I’m wondering, what next?

It is so easy to say you trust God, you want his will, and whatever happens will be for the best.  But when you find out what you want isn’t necessarily what he wants it forces you to choose between becoming completely dependant on him or going your own way.

For weeks, each morning I have woke up, anxious and dreading facing the day.  Will I break down in front of people? How will I make it through the day if I feel this terrible now? And I look forward to when I can come home from work and not have to fake happiness or normalness anymore.  I walk into an empty house, no messages on the machine, no emails, and no calls other than the telltale 1-800 number of a telemarketer showing up on the caller ID.

It’s as if God is saying, “NOW that I have your attention and there are no other distractions, come to ME”.  I’ve bounced between running to him; running away and then coming right back.  I’ve been a crying mess and could do nothing but beg him to please help me, to do something because there was absolutely nothing I could do.

Psalm 121 came to mind this morning.  I wrote it down on a little piece of paper and carried it with me throughout the day.

I lift my eyes up to the hills – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth.  Psalm 121:1-2

“Help” is a humbling word because in order to need it, it means you are indeed helpless on your own.  “Help” is the only thing I have been able to cry because I have nothing to offer to God, I cannot make bargains or promises.  All I can hope for is his mercy, and this verse confirms that he that made the heavens and earth can and will help us.  So that is all I can hope for.

I can’t ask him to make things turn out the way I want.  All I can ask him for is strength to bring me through this terrible time.  I don’t claim to be innocent and undeserving of the trials I face.  I am not angry with God or pitying myself and crying “Poor me”.  I am responsible for the unwise choices that brought me to this point.  That is the great thing about being a child of the All Mighty God.  When we screw up he wants nothing more for us to come running back into his arms.

If you are hurting – maybe you found out your husband is having an affair, you’re going through a break-up, a loved one is dying or has died, maybe you have found out you have cancer or another life threatening illness…do not be angry at God and don’t run away.  Separation from God causes significantly more grief than what you are feeling now.  And if you really love him or loved him at one time it will catch up with you.

It may feel good after a failed marriage to walk into a bar and have guys falling all over you, making you feel wanted again and easing the sting of rejection.  But it is a mistake and has disastrous consequences.  Your help does not come from drunken guys, dead-end relationships and parties.  It is a temporary means to an even more hurtful end, and I promise you the empty feeling in your gut from your behavior will not go away – it will only get worse.

I was friends with a professing Christian girl who, after a messy divorce started dating another guy and ended up pregnant with his son.  Another, a pastor’s daughter went to the bar after she split up with her husband, met a guy, and ended up pregnant as well.  After the babies were born, the fathers were gone and the girls were left raising a child on their own. 

Nothing will interfere with Christ’s love for you.  Do not let anything come between you and your love for him.

The Bondage Maker

Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. James 1:21

Most of us have at least one sin we struggle with and some have sufficiently more.  It is not a sin to be tempted, but it is to give into temptation.  Usually we don’t plunge into temptation with both feet.  The Devil’s main objective is to draw us away from God and essentially our salvation, so he takes advantage of this every chance he gets.  When you think about it, if you sought out to destroy one single person’s reputation, job, and relationships and spent days, weeks, months and years trying to accomplish this, you could do a lot of damage.  On the other hand, if the person you had it in for was strong, honest, and full of integrity you would have a hard time bringing them down and more than likely would be exposed.

In the same way, we cannot be drawn away from Christ if we are strong, and we make a conscious effort to stay close to him.  We may not see it coming right away, but once we start to waver and eventually doubt we open the door to the Devil to gradually destroy us.

Behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear: But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear. Isaiah 59:1-2

Do you ever feel so helpless in your sin that you expect God to just take it away from you? The bad news is, he will not.  As long as you continue to sin, he will not heard your prayers.  That includes all prayer, not just for freedom from sin.  Until you make a conscious effort to rid yourself of sin or a sinful lifestyle he will not hear you.

I could make a list right now of sin in my life that is stunting my growth in Christ, and drawing me closer and closer to the other side: anger, bitterness, lustful thoughts, disrespect, resentment, self-righteousness, being judgmental, doubting, not trusting God, spending my time and money on mindless things rather than to further his kingdom, and on and on.  It is no wonder why my prayer feels like it falls on deaf ears and goes unanswered.

Only when we’re ready to let go of the worldly stuff in our lives can God really work in ours.  It is our choice to keep trying to fill a void with a hole in the bottom, or allow Christ to fill us completely.  Take a look at your life and how happy and content you are doing your own thing.  If that makes you feel more at peace than obeying Christ than that’s probably where you should be.  But for those of us who know God and feel the emptiness and loneliness when we are apart from him, we know that whether its sooner or later, there really isn’t anywhere else to go.

Refuge from the Storm

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live? It’s unfair.
 
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

Held – Natalie Grant

Many of us have been depressed, anxious or both at some time in their life.  Sometimes it has to do with the circumstances around us; other times there is no particular reason – we feel it inside and nothing seems to snap us out of it.  This is particularly difficult because when you can’t put your finger on what is causing you so much anguish it is that much harder to find a solution.  And others don’t understand, either.  Whether they say so or not, if there is nothing apparent going on to cause you this heartache you should be able to get over it.

I’m not going to spend a lot of time discussing depression and anxiety, as I don’t have a full understanding of it.  I’m not even going to spend a lot of time discussing pain, because there are so many kinds, and so many circumstances that cause us pain.  What I am going to talk about is what we can do to take refuge from the storm.  And I say take refuge because for most of us, our lives will never be trouble free and the storm won’t blow over until we die.  But there are things we can do to shelter ourselves from the beating rain and howling winds.

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:5-7

The above verse may seem like a simple, easier-said-than done solution to a problem that has seemed so big it plagues you by day and keeps you awake late at night.  We were never promised it would be easy.  In fact, Jesus said:

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

There are many ways we can turn, but only one way leads to true joy – maybe not in this life, but certainly the one after it.  We can get angry with God for allowing us to go through such things or we can allow him to use this time in our life to draw us closer to him and make us stronger.  We can prolong the agony by medicating with pills, alcohol or other drugs and addictions or we can face our troubles each day – the sooner we face them the sooner we can deal.  We can depend on a friend, partner or spouse to carry us through or we can cast all our cares upon the Lord and he will sustain us (Psalm 55:22).

If you are a Christian, but have been going through a dark time in your life lately, or maybe a series of dark times that never seem to let up perhaps it’s time to examine why God hasn’t rescued you.

Philippians 4:5 instruct us not to be anxious about anything.  Do you have circumstances in your life beyond your control that grips you with fear? Are you required to make changes or decisions that you don’t think you can do, either out of doubt in your abilities, or fear of change? Are you more comfortable to hide in your own world rather than branch out and try something new? If you cannot get past the anxiety part it is little wonder why God has yet to bring you some relief and comfort.  He is waiting on you to take the first step and say, “I trust you, God.”  If you are yet to do that, don’t be surprised that you are stuck in your rut.  He will allow you to keep coming back to this place until you are prepared to take him at his word.

Some people would truly rather wallow in their own misery and lean on God to miraculously change them then they would to do anything on their own.  But, it’s all here in this verse, in God’s word.

In everything, through prayer and petition, and thanksgiving do you present your requests to God? Present is emphasized because so often we try to demand or persuade God, when really we should be handing our situations over and leaving them with him.  Are your prayers centered only on your own needs, begging for a reprieve? And do you pray in thanksgiving for everything? Do you thank God for the good times and the bad? I suspect very few thank him for either, ironically.  During the good times we don’t need him as much and forget about giving him the glory, like the lepers who Jesus healed and ran off without thanking him.  Do you pray for others, and if so, how much compared to your prayers for yourself? Do you not think there is no one else out there who has needs and is hurting?

A useful exercise for me a couple years ago was writing a list of things I was thankful for, including situations that didn’t work out how I hoped.  A woman who is nearing 30 and still unmarried may become depressed and preoccupied with that fact; however, there are many, many women who have been married and lived to regret it.  There are single moms, abandoned by the baby’s father or devastated by divorce.  There are women in unhappy relationships that would much rather be single than spend another day with this man.  When you really sit down, think about it, and write it out the possibilities for thanksgiving are endless.  Look around at those confined to a wheelchair because of a stupid driving mistake – or worse, confined to a wheelchair because of someone else’s driving mistake!

Do you only run to God when you’re hurting? If so, it is little wonder why he is slow to simply grant each fair-weather Christian their wish and allow them to go on.  How much time do you really spend with him? And if its very seldom then it is not unlike expecting a big favor from an acquaintance you rarely bother with.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

This is a common blow-off verse that Christians use on other Christians when they are struggling.  It is the types of verse that you cannot appreciate fully until you have been through the fire and emerged on the other side, knowing God has never, and will never forsake you.  God promises that his grace is sufficient, and we have to believe that for ourselves before it can fully take effect.

As an aside, sometimes really sharing with others can ease the pain and pent up frustration.  Often the person we confide in can relate to what we’re going through and assure us they understand and we are not alone.  A few weeks ago I confided in a close friend about struggles I had been determined to take to my grave.  And to my surprise, this person could relate completely and shared similar struggles! It took a huge weight off me now that these things we talked about were out of that shadows and into the light – no longer hidden away and eating at me.

God does not push us into ruts and keep his foot on our heads when we try to climb out, but it’s easy to think that way.  It takes the onus off of us to do anything about it.  God wants us to have joy, but joy is one of those things that just happens to us – we have to choose it.  We have to choose that no matter how upset and twisted we are feeling, it is NOT God’s will we feel like this and it’s time to do something about it, starting with our relationship with him.  He cannot use us when we are broken, and a mess.  Our brokenness can do two things: going through these difficulties is what it takes us re-evaluating our closeness to Christ, really getting to know him, and working through our difficulties with his strength, not ours.   Unfortunately, there are those who allow the difficulties to consume them, never seeking joy, and never getting into the word enough to start on the path to healing.

I encourage you to visit the following link and read about how Charles Spurgeon, who although he struggled with depression he was one of the most truth-driven, bible believing, soul winning pastors of all time.

Are you going to seek refuge, or stand out shivering in the rain?

Liar, Liar

What a man desires is unfailing love; better to be poor than a liar. Proverbs 19:22

In the past few years and especially the past few months I've noticed a rare breed of people who are pathological liars.  The Random House Unabridged Dictionary defines pathological as "caused by or evidencing a mentally disturbed condition".  No one is immune to it - including Christians.

The reason I am writing this is because pathological liars have affected me several times in my life, and I want to communicate to others who have been or are affected by this strange condition.  You probably can’t understand how these people can say the things they do, when truth and logic are so apparent.

How can a person tell blatant lies and actually get angry or defensive if they are questioned? I did a Google search online and was pleasantly surprised to come up with a lot of to-the-point information on this subject.

Wikipedia puts it best:

A pathological liar is someone who often embellishes his or her stories in a way that he or she believes will impress people. It may be that a pathological liar is different from a normal liar in that a pathological liar believes the lie he or she is telling to be true—at least in public—and is "playing" the role. He or she sometimes is seen to have a serious mental problem that needs to be rectified.

It is not clear, however, that this is the case. It could also be that pathological liars know precisely what they are doing. Making up stories and at the same time believing them is known as confabulation. The term "pathological liar" is not an official clinical diagnosis however psychiatrists may agree that pathological lying is often the result of a mental disorder or low self-esteem.

Even though pathological lying is not recognized as a clinical disorder, legal court cases often require that you prove that the defendant is aware that he or she is lying. This proof is most important in cases of slander and/or liability. Pathological liars often actually convince themselves that they are telling the truth, which in turn can alter polygraph tests and other questioning.

When caught in a lie, pathological liars tend to become hostile or try to disregard the fact they lied; often playing it off as a joke.[1]

A wicked man listens to evil lips; a liar pays attention to a malicious tongue.  Proverbs 17:4

So how can you tell if someone is a pathological liar and not just someone who stretches the truth once in a while or tells a lie to cover themselves?

The following comments basically reflect a pathological liar who has the characteristics of histrionic personality disorder.

Some characteristics:

1. Exaggerates things that are ridiculous.

2. One-upping. Whatever you do, this person can do it better. You will never top them in their own mind, because they have a concerted need to be better than everyone else. This also applies to being right. If you try to confront an individual like this, no matter how lovingly and well-intentioned you might be - this will probably not be effective. It's threatening their fantasy of themselves, so they would rather argue with you and bring out the sharp knives than admit that there's anything wrong with them.

3. They "construct" a reality around themselves. They don't value the truth, especially if they don't see it as hurting anyone. If you call them on a lie and they are backed into a corner, they will act very defensively and say ugly things (most likely but depends on personality), but they may eventually start to act like, "Well, what's the difference? You're making a big deal out of nothing!" (again, to refocus the conversation to your wrongdoing instead of theirs).

4. Because these people don't value honesty, a lot of times they will not value loyalty. So watch what you tell them. They will not only tell others, but they will embellish to make you look worse. Their loyalty is fleeting, and because they are insecure people, they will find solace in confiding to whomever is in their favor at the moment.

5. They may be somewhat of a hypochondriac. This can come in especially useful when caught in a lie, for example, they can claim that they have been sick, or that there's some mysteriously "illness" that has them all stressed out. It's another excuse tool for their behavior.

6. Obviously, they will contradict what they say. This will become very clear over time. They usually aren't smart enough to keep track of so many lies (who would be?).

Here are some ways to tell someone is a pathological liar contributed by another FAQ Farmer:

They lie about even the smallest things. For example, saying "I brushed my teeth today," when they didn't.

They add exaggerations to every sentence.

They change their story all the time.

They act very defensively when you question their statements.

They believe what they say is true, when everyone else knows it isn't.

Here's an alternate "checklist":

ü      Lies when it is very easy to tell the truth.

ü      Lies to get sympathy, to look better, to save their butt, etc.

ü      Fools people at first but once they get to know him, no one believes anything they ever say.

ü      May have a personality disorder.

ü      Extremely manipulative.

ü      Has been caught in lies repeatedly.

ü      Never fesses up to the lies.

ü      Is a legend in their own mind.

Here are more opinions and other input from FAQ Farmers:

I have found a few differences in pathological liar and a "slime ball" liar. Pathological liars cannot tell that they are lying they actually believe the lie as soon as it comes out of their mouth. They lie about unimportant things that don't really matter to anyone. This can be caused by mental defect but isn't always. Slime-ball liars lie about things that make them look better or embellish to get attention. They also lie to keep their butts out of trouble and to get what they want.

Here are things to ask yourself: How could this many things happen to one person? Would believe these stories if someone else told you? Think back to the beginning: you had red flags and alarms going off in you head. Learn to trust your instincts.

It is very hard to tell when one is a pathological liar. Some people just are liars and lie-to-lie because they can and they don't care about getting caught and aware that you know they have lied. These people care not about lying; it's no big deal. It's like "ok, so what? I lied". The pathological liar on the other hand, IS aware that they are lying BUT will go to extremes to make you believe that they are truthful. They appear to believe their own lies BUT in truth, they know their lies are just that, lies. But because their efforts are constantly backing up their lies, it appears to us that they actually believe their lies, when we eventually do find out about them and then we tend to feel sorry for these people. Then they have an excuse, "I am sick, I don't know why I lie, I believed what I was saying etc." The only truth was the fact that they don't know why they lie. Other than that it's crap. It is true that most of them have an extremely low sense of self worth and are continuously trying to make themselves feel better about THEMSELVES and this is one reason they lie. It is about them but the lies are not always set up with the purpose to hurt some one else; it's that these people feel so low about themselves they need to create ANYTHING different from the ugly reality they feel about themselves so they lie about even the most tiniest little thing. The people closest to them get sucked into these lies, which sometimes start as something very trivial and then turn into something that can turn everyone involved worlds upside down and inside out.

Unmasking the pathological liar is an easier task when the pathological liar is no more than a casual acquaintance to the "un-masker." Close relationships provide camouflage for the pathological liar, and intimacy provides a heavily fortressed breeding ground.

Other indicators:

1)     Rage attacks after they realize you're questioning their lies. 2) Distraction techniques, e.g. hanging up the phone when you catch them in lie, playing word games, or even just running out of the room. After using the distraction technique, or rage attack, or sometimes both, they will pretend that nothing ever happened. They re-write history, so it never did happen in their minds. Normal people do it too, but these people take it to the extreme. [2]

His mouth is full of cursing and deceit and fraud: under his tongue is mischief and vanity.  Psalm 10:7

I would like to add to this list that the pathological liar often puts the ball in the court of the person they are lying to, by saying that their answers are clear to them and they cannot understand why they aren’t communicating properly? I’ve heard that one a couple of times!

Although the articles referenced here are not written by professionals, I chose them because they contain normal, easy to understand information and no psychobabble.  As I read through the examples I felt light bulbs going on above my head as I thought back to people I know who have behaved like this and now I finally understand where they’re coming from.  If it is truly a personality disorder, telling a pathological liar to face facts and tell the truth would be like telling someone who suffers from depression to cheer up.

So what can you do if a pathological liar is affecting your life or someone else’s life? According to this, you have few options – face them with the truth, back off, and hope they clue in. You can present the evidence to them but if they won’t accept it you can’t force them.  Mindsets are a dangerous thing, like the anorexic who is convinced she is fat at 89 lbs.  The pathological liars I know find themselves alone eventually, when no one believes what they say any longer.  Hopefully some day they will realize they have a problem, not unlike other harmful addictions, and seek help.  If not, they will eventually self destruct.

How serious is telling lies? Besides being one of the 10 Commandments the bible says:

He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house: he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight.  Psalm 101:7

Lastly, even if you’re not in the pathological liar category, take care that you stay honest and true.  Most people can see through lies.  Police make a study of it and can detect whether the person they are questioning is being truthful simply by his gestures.  Honesty and integrity will take you further than you may know.  A good name may even get you out of binds where you are falsely accused or defamed. 

A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches,Loving favor rather than silver and gold. Proverbs 22:1

Letting Go

If you are a Christian, and depending on how long you’ve been one, you have probably encountered at least one person you have witnessed to who’s asked the question, or similar variations of it: Why do I have to be a Christian to go to Heaven?

People like the idea of Heaven after they die, but despite the fact that Heaven was introduced in the Bible they don’t want to follow the rest of the teachings.  They pick and chose what they want to follow but unfortunately, being a ‘good person’ alone is not enough to get you into Heaven.  It brings up the question that how exactly is a good person defined? What if you’re brought up in a terrible home and don’t know any better than to lie, cheat and steal? Where do you draw the line? What if you’re born to a tribe in black Africa who spear their enemies and have no law?

Our human nature is sinful.  We struggle with selfishness, bad thoughts, evil desires.  On the outside we have on our best face, but would never want anyone to know our true selves inside.  God, on the other hand, is perfect.  Good and evil cannot mix, much like oil and water and that is why we cannot have direct access to God.  However, he sent his son Jesus to suffer and die to pay for all of our sins, a price none of us could pay.  When Jesus was resurrected and returned to Heaven, he became the mediator between God, and us so that through Jesus we could have a relationship with God.

It is difficult to grasp that God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are one, and that God could send his son (which essentially is part of God) to earth in human form.  We like everything to be logical and refuse to believe in anything we cannot understand.  But with hundreds of years of study into the supernatural world, no one has come close to fully understanding it, and I don’t believe we were intended to.  The most simplistic explanation of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit being one is the example of an egg.  On it’s own a shell is not an egg.  A yolk is not an egg.  A white is not an egg.  But the three put together make an egg.

A scientist can tell us the world is billions of years old…that there are billions of galaxies out there…the size of the stars, and approximately how many there are out there.  We take it at face value even though we have never seen it.  But for some they can live in a world where each season, climate, food chain, etc. operates in a natural steady pattern and still question whether God created it.  The human body is incredible and complex – it knows how to sense and react to danger, far before we even realize it! When we are sick or injured, other areas of body know to compensate for it.  Our body stores away extra nutrients, water and blood in reserves in case we need it.  With each system functioning so perfectly, we still think we could have evolved and lived on partially formed (evolved) organs?

For more on the theory of evolution, go to http://www.evolutiondeceit.com/chapter17.php

What no one has ever been able to explain to me is how someone can believe in God but not the Bible, which is essentially where the whole concept of God is explained.  They create their ideals about God and the afterlife, and put their faith in short-lived man-made religions and ideas – anything to avoid becoming the dreaded Christian.  They will use every excuse in the book as to why they won’t become a Christian.  “There is too many hypocritical Christians” is one of my favorites.  Since when do you put your eternity at stake because of a bunch of people doing a terrible job? If your supervisors at work are incompetent morons do switch careers? No.  Switch jobs, maybe...but you do the best you can with what you have.

The fact is, unless you feel God tugging at your heart, you probably won’t ever need him.  Many people turn to Christ during a crisis in their life.  Some stay strong and others fall away once the stormy skies clear.  Fortunately, God knows our hearts.  He knows who’s trying hard and who’s using it as a crutch.  He sees the phonies at church who are praising Jesus on Sunday then cheating on their spouse the next day.  That is for him to judge.

Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' Matthew 7:22-23

So does a loving God have the right to deny ‘good people’ access to Heaven? He sure does! He provides everyone with an opportunity to know the truth and follow him and few accept it.  If you want to pick and choose what you want from the Bible and ignore the whole key to salvation – Jesus Christ, than don’t expect to be walking through the gates of Heaven when you die.

So why do Christians try so hard to ‘save’ you? It’s not for personal gain.  We get nothing out of it.  We don’t want to see you going to Hell.  And whether you believe you’re going there or not, that’s up to you.  Our hearts ache for you, they really do.  No true Christian has ever regretted becoming a Christian and only those who sign on for the wrong reasons are the ones who fall away and become hypocrites.  For most people who follow Christ, it is the best thing that has ever happened to them.

Take a look at our world.  The Hollywood gossip magazines are filled with empty shells of people who turn to drugs, sex and the most outrageous lifestyles, for what – to fill some empty void? And how come so many end up having drug overdoses and committing suicide.  They have all the money they need…is choking to death on your own vomit all that the entire world has to offer?

Look around at the most perverted members of our society – men putting on make-up, wearing vinyl dresses and high heels and demanding to be accepted…women making out with and groping other women in public while drunk men urge them onward, take their photos and post them all over the internet…child pornography…drug addicts injecting and inhaling household chemicals into their system, turning themselves into a violent, scabby mess, and the drug dealers who happily take their money.

Is being apart from God really the better way? And have you ever asked yourself, what comes after this? Some ideals you made up in your head? Is that what you want, or do you want to believe in a Bible, God-breathed and irrefutable for hundreds of years?

I realize if I were to list a thousand reasons why you should give Christ a chance you wouldn’t buy any of them if your heart wasn’t in the right place.  That is where we, as Christians have to learn to let go.  We have to accept that there are those out there that even in the depths of despair or on their deathbed will not accept Christ as their Savior. 

Sometimes we put all we have into it only to yield no results. 

Sometimes God even uses those instances to show us that we aren’t in control. 

Sometimes when we back off does something happen in that person’s life that turns them around, and we had nothing to do with it! It’s a good reminder that if someone is going to change, it is God who pushes the buttons.  Our only responsibility is to get the word out there; the good news of the gospel and the unbelievers can do with it as they may.  In addition, it is also up to us to be a living example, to back up what we say with our actions.  We will never be perfect, but if we want people wondering why we are different than the rest of the world we better be giving them a good reason to wonder.

If you are reading this as an unbeliever, do you KNOW where you’re going when you die? Maybe you have ideas of where you’re going, but do you want to risk being wrong? Do you ever wonder why some people give up their lives to be missionaries, in ministry, even giving up the fun of a worldly life to follow God? Do you wonder what it is they have?

If you even have an inkling to investigate this further, I encourage you to check it out.  I strongly discourage going to church for your answers, unless you can find someone there who you can talk one-on-one with.  Churches today tend to be geared towards the attendees, which are all mostly saved, anyway.

Everything this world offers, whether it’s normal things like a husband and kids, to abnormal like multiple sex partners (men AND women), illicit drugs, partying, etc. CAN BE TAKEN AWAY.  Jesus can never be taken away from you.  He is the only one who can make and keep this promise:

Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.  Hebrews 13:5 

Let go of your empty life.  Real peace and joy are out there, and they don't come with a price tag.

More in Control by Being Out of Control

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:25-26

I have never felt as secure with my life and future as when I realized how futile so many of my efforts to control it were.  It took a long time to finally allow God to take control.  Knowing it in the back of your mind is only part of the battle.  So many of us know it but still try to help God along.

Do you ever wonder why just when your life is going exactly the way you want it, something big happens to change it?

The most positive changes in my life have been a result God presenting the opportunity, and me forcing myself to step out of my comfort zone and take it! The reason it was such a fight for me is because what God had for me required me to overcome my weaknesses first, and not just laziness – feelings of fear, inadequacy, uncertainty.  How much more we appreciate his gifts when we have to work for them! He uses these opportunities to form us into the people he wants us to be.  The biggest blessings usually come after a sacrifice of our human nature.

A couple of years ago a large mill shut down, taking with it several hundred jobs.  Up until it’s closing, there was the perception that once you were hired on there, you were set for life: high pay, good benefits, and for most, fairly comfortable work.  While some really enjoyed their work, many workers I met were complacent about their job and found no fulfillment in it.  They were unionized so there were simple tasks that the average worker couldn’t do for himself such as change a light bulb – a special department had to be called in for that.

Several people said our city would shut down without the mill.  But instead, many of the workers opened their own small businesses ranging from computer repair to iron works.  Several said the closing was the best thing that happened to them, because at least they were doing something they wanted, not just sitting comfortably and drawing a pay check. 

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8

The biggest change in my life so far has been my career.  In high school I wanted to become a massage therapist but never took the schooling.  It was too much money to invest in something I was unsure of.  Years later I was at an office job which although I enjoyed the work there was a large personality conflict between myself and the other secretary, who happened to be my boss’s right hand woman.  As a result I was basically pushed out.  I was not perfect, and not a victim, and had made my share of mistakes.  It hurt tremendously, but it got me thinking quick about what path I wanted to take next. 

A year before that I had found a newspaper ad for a massage course that could be taken by correspondence.  It was designed for adult students who couldn’t quit their jobs but wanted a career change.  At the time I had considered it, but again, didn’t want to spend the money for something I was unsure of.  Now that my job was in jeopardy, I decided to take the step.

Although everyone was very encouraging, I still had that fear and uncertainty rooted deeply in me.  When my textbooks arrived I felt almost sick, looking at the overwhelming amount of information I would have to learn.

God was with me throughout the course.  He provided me with so many blessings that made taking it just that much easier including Christian friends who were a huge support and a lot of fun.  It made those monthly trips so much more enjoyable.  My feelings of inadequacy plagued me all the way through, and no one could understand how I dreaded going away for the weekend.  But because it was difficult, I tried so much harder.  Even when I didn’t think I was doing enough homework, enough practice massages, enough studying I still managed to do well.  And before I knew it, the two years was over and I was about to start on my own.

How can God use something like massage therapy, you may be asking? I don’t know.  I have my ideas, and I’m sure I will see why he brought me to this point, in the future.  All I know is that he opened the doors every step of the way and continues to with new clients and opportunities.  This job allows me to fulfill my desire to help people deal with stress, chronic pain and conditions rather than sitting at a desk behind a mountain of paperwork.  It has been the most rewarding work I have done so far.

I don’t know what my future holds, and honestly right now I feel like I’m feeling my way through the dark.  The only difference is now I am holding my Heavenly Father’s hand tightly as he guides me, giving me glimpses of what he has for me as he sees fit.  Most of us find that controlling our own future is like being stuck in the mud and spinning our wheels – we don’t get anywhere, in fact many of us get deeper into our ruts! We have to take our foot off the gas and allow God to push us out.  After that it’s time to scoot over and let him drive.

In the World But Not Of It

Due to several references in this article, I have included links to my sources.  Simply click on the underlined word to direct you to a web page in a new window.

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

Revelation 3:15-16

If you have been a Christian for a long time you have probably seen the transition in churches – hymnals replaced with power point slides of Christian contemporary lyrics, biblical sermons replaced with sermons containing little scripture and a lot of anecdotes, and an increase in committees, boards, disagreements and church splits.  The pastor who once looked to the bible and prayer for his inspiration is no match for themed sermons such as the Purpose Driven series, Five Love Languages, etc. to hold people’s interests. 

You have also probably noticed the steady decline in Christian standards – whereas once it was a given that a Christian believes and follows the bible, now many Christians try to custom fit their faith to their preferences.  The recent gay marriage issue has even caused splits or members to leave evangelical churches because the church has decided to condone homosexuality rather than take a stand.

Many Christians have made the argument that the old church was dull, boring and we need to modernize it if we’re going to bring people in.  The thing they don’t realize is, it’s not the fun and exciting church that brings and holds people there, it is their relationship with Christ and how that church is helping them to grow.  Otherwise, the churches would be overflowing with attendees.

According to the ARIS survey, in the United States, 76.5% of adults identified themselves as Christians during early 2001. [1][1][1] This number is dropping almost one percentage point per year. There has also been a drop in the percentage of American adults who attend religious services regularly. It has gone from 49% in 1991 to 36% in 1996. Reduction in attendance is a worldwide phenomenon among industrialized countries. The US is believed to have the highest attendance rates; Canada has about 20%; Australia, England and the rest of Europe are 10% or less. The general trend is downwards as societies become more secular.

My brother is a hunting enthusiast who enjoys pouring over maps, calculating numbers I have no idea what they are for, and doing a lot of things that I don't understand and don't have a desire to.  Does his interests need to conform to me in order to draw my attention? No! I'm either interested or I'm not...the same is for Christianity.  If your heart's desire is not to read the bible, obey Jesus and change your life than no seminar, retreat, or church is going to change it. 

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:2

Pastors such as Charles Spurgeon (1834-1892) didn’t need any frills to attract his 6000-person congregation each Sunday.  Over a hundred years after his death his sermons are still popular amongst Christians seeking the truth.  He preached from the heart and did not need a four-point sermon with stories and illustrations.  Is it little wonder why a few Christians doubt the sincerity of their pastor when he preaches from supposed Christian books or may even download his sermons rather than (as you have probably heard him pray before the sermon for) "the words God would have him speak"?

If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. John 15:19

As society changes and accepts things that were once considered wrong, Christians are gradually changing too.  I'm not saying we have to be legalists, as this is wrong in itself and turns a lot of people off, but if we claim to be Christians we should follow the rulebook, in the same way we do at our jobs.

A police officer is expected to have a high moral standard for himself and his conduct.  How long do you think he would be considered a police officer if he rationalized taking bribes (because he wasn't getting paid enough) beat up criminals (because they probably won't get jail time anyway) destroyed evidence to protect friends and fellow officers, and on and on?

That is exactly what Christians are doing! They like the wholesome, Christian reputation.  They like the warm church, friends, and being part of committees.  But they don't like the accountability and conviction! Churches such as the popular Crystal Cathedral have a huge congregation, as many as 10,000.  Many are no doubt drawn to the positive, feel-good preaching of Robert Schuller Sr. Schuller was interviewed by Mike Horton on the White Horse Inn radio show in 1992 and asked some very hard questions, some of which he could not answer, stammered through, and even got defensive.  I listened to clips from the original recording (which has since been pulled from the internet).  Click here to check out for yourself what one of the most powerful mega-church pastors believes.

And my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God. 1 Corinthians 2:4-5

For after that in the wisdom of God the world by wisdom knew not God, it pleased God by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe.

1 Corinthians 1:21

Does the omnipotent God need to conform to what we want and prefer? Do we have the right to revise a God-breathed book to what is politically correct and less offensive? If we claim to be a Christian, does that entitle us to make exceptions to what we believe and limits to how we follow Christ?

A person's reasons for being a Christian is what makes the difference between the little old lady who spends most time alone in prayer and is barely noticed by her church and the big mouthed elder who everyone admires for his tailored prayers during church each week.  The widow doesn't care who sees her, she lives for Jesus.  The other lives for himself and how good he looks to others.

A person's devotion to Christ is what makes the difference between the Christian martyrs suffering for their faith, Christians like Horatio Spafford who after losing his four daughters in a shipwreck wrote the hymn, "It is Well With My Soul", missionaries like Hudson Taylor who lost several children, his wives, and his own health but continued to build his ministry in China and the Christians who when faced with trial such as the loss of a job, child, spouse, etc. turn their backs on God.  People have fallen so far from true, pure Christianity that most Christian's lifestyles and conduct are not unlike secular ones. 

Eternity is astronomically longer than our short blip of a life here on earth.  Which one are you going to live for?

Discovering Timothy

I've read through the New Testament at least once, and many of the books written by Paul several times.  Sometimes I have just been going through the motions and the words haven't sunk in.  Last week as I was reading through 2 Timothy, several of Paul's words jumped out and although they were written thousands of years ago, they can easily be applied to what's going on today.

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

Phobias, irrational fears such as a fear of flying or heights will prevent a person from exploring the world and cause them to miss out on exciting opportunities.  They will live their life in fear unless they choose to face it and conquer it.

In the same way timidity, fear and a lack of power will hold us back from opportunities as well.  A fear of commitment, failure or of being hurt could prevent a person from developing friendships, marrying, and cause him to grow old alone all because fear over ruled his desire to be with someone and he was too afraid to take the step.

This past week I was getting my hair done.  My stylist was asking me about school (I just finished a massage therapy course).  She told me she would be willing to trade haircuts for treatments for her carpal tunnel syndrome.  I was flooded with doubts about my abilities and fear that I couldn't do it.  I started to change the subject without committing to anything.  I realized what I was doing and no matter how scared I was I knew I had to jump in before it's too late.  She then mentioned the owner of the shop might want someone to work out of her esthetics room doing massage, as several clients had been asking for massages and the salon didn't offer them yet.

Again fear crept up, as I didn't want to commit to anything.  It was so easy just working out of my house on my own terms.  But as I got up to leave and saw the owner flipping through a magazine on the couch, I took the plunge and asked if she was looking for anyone.  She said she had an ad in the paper! So right then and there we set something up.  And my stylist and I agreed I would work on her in exchange for trims.

As I got back to work I was full of uncertainty but excitement.  It is going to be a good opportunity, one I would have missed if I had given into the spirit of timidity.

“Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly.”  2 Timothy 2:16

This verse needs no explanation.  How much time do we spend airing our opinions, criticizing others, and being negative compared to spending time with God? How much more do we know about celebrity’s lives, what they are doing and who they are dating, marrying or divorcing compared to what we know about the bible? Is it any wonder why godless chatter makes us more ungodly?

“Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.”  2 Timothy 2:19

This is a great verse for a country that will buy anything someone wearing the Christian badge is selling.  This is also applicable to someone claiming to be a Christian but living in sin or wickedness as described here.  Christianity is not for the liberal or those wanting to live a double life.  When you sign on, you are a representative for Christ.  You can’t claim to live for Christ and do what he teaches against any more than you could be a police officer yet take bribes, abuse your authority, and steal.  You may get away with it for a while, but once you’re found out you are done! And not looked upon too highly, I might add.

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.  2 Timothy 3:1-6

Isn’t it interesting how although this was written thousands of years ago are so true to today? Ladies, this next one is for us.  Paul continues:

They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth. Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth—men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected. But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone. 2 Timothy 3:6-8

The list of desires that can draw us away from God is endless, and many of these things are also very subtle.  The desire for love, for instance, which ties into treacherous men “worming their way into the homes of weak willed women”.  We want so badly to be loved and accepted we are willing to sacrifice our convictions for it.  After a while we lose sight of God because the desire to be wanted and needed overpowers it.  When we realize it isn’t real we have a choice to make: run back to God or keep running further, looking for the answers.  Some of those “answers” may lie in feminism, psychology, self-help, Yoga, Wicca, liberalism, and yes – lesbianism.  Lonely women who have been trampled by the wrong guys all their life are prone to forming bonds with other women, bonds that may make them believe that only a woman can love them the way they need to be loved.

Being “loaded down with sin” will assuredly keep you from God because God and sin cannot exist together.  That is why he sent Jesus, his son to die for our sins so that we could have a relationship with him.  If you go on with your life doing what you want to do then you will also have to accept the consequences.  But if you need to lift the weight of the “load of sin” on you and are overridden with conviction that you just want Christ to come into your heart and take away the pain, then make that step.  To some it comes easier than others – many have to take a beating before they finally come to their knees before God.  Others never will and will carry on doing what they will.

If you are one of those people who have realized you can’t do it on your own, that you are making a mess of your life and that you need Jesus, then tell him now! I am not going to type the “sinner’s prayer” because you will say what comes to your heart.  To many the “sinner’s prayer” is simply a pledge that they say out loud and believe they are now saved.  If you have more questions, please talk to a Christian you can trust – a pastor at the local church, a neighbor, anyone you might know.  You can also check out www.gotquestions.org where you can browse questions and answers and/or submit your own and a real person will respond to you.

Christianity is not a religion – it’s a way of life.  You don't follow God to earn points with him; rather, you do it to please him and to benefit your own life because like most of us, you know the consequences that doing things your own way and living in sin bring. 

Poisonous People: To Love, or Not to Love

Almost two years ago when I started my course, I met a fellow Christian who appeared to be a beautiful, soft-spoken girl who had a rough go in life.  We became friends; mostly because of the faith we shared and spent a lot of time together.  Early in our friendship I sensed an apprehension about being with her, but thought that it was because I was intimidated at what I perceived as her profound faith and close relationship with Jesus – after all, she talked openly about how Christ had come into her life and all the things he was doing for her, even said grace very openly before eating lunch with her eyes close, head leaned back to the sky, and hands folded neatly in front of her – things I wasn’t doing.  As time went on, she became standoffish towards me, and was hesitant to go out and do anything like we used to unless our mutual friends came along.  Finally, I confronted her and asked if there was anything I had done.  She presented me with a laundry list of bizarre ways I had wronged her.  In her mind I was manipulative although she couldn’t explain why, and when I caught her in a lie she became even more irrational, raising her voice and accusing me of things I cannot explain (and she couldn’t either).  I walked away with my mouth open, unable to believe what had happened just did.  I sorted through my mind any way she could possibly be justified in saying these things but could come up with nothing.

We haven’t spoken since.  It is awkward being in class together, and we act as if the other does not exist.  At first I wondered if I should somehow try to make this right but concluded it would be impossible, after all, when your beliefs are based on feeling or strange things that are going on in your own head, you’re not going to listen to logic.  Over the past year and a half I have watched as her calm, sweet demeanor has turned harsh and ugly when confronted with things she doesn’t agree with.  A mutual friend of ours gravitated quickly away from her and possibly dislikes her more than I do.  I have watched the circle of friends she used to sit with at lunch diminish to one person who is new to the class and doesn’t know her well enough yet.

While working at a hotel years ago, police officers would often visit the restaurant for coffee.  One time, late at night over coffee, a 20-year veteran opened his heart about his self-absorbed, bitter adoptive mother who always wished he would become a lawyer or a doctor (something she could be proud of).  Although he rose to the ranks of staff sergeant and continued to earn degrees on his spare time, she could never utter the words – “I’m proud of you”, or, “I love you”.  She would call the station insistently so that her needs, whatever they were, could be met.  He talked excitedly about another diploma he would be receiving, so he could show it to her.  I asked, “Do you think it will really make a difference?” He admitted that it wouldn’t, but he just had to do it.

Someone close to me used to date a girl.  Although she was a professing Christian, she consistently put everyone down, especially other females.  She had never dated and had no female friends.  She resented her controlling, critical, over-spiritual, chronically ill mother, but at the same time, she would take her side if it came down to it.  And she had irrational explanations as to why it was okay for her to verbally abuse others.  Others and myself thought her behavior was due to constant exposure to her crazy mother and that with a little time with a loving family she would turn around and see what normal life is like.  Not so.  After pulling some strings to help this girl get away from her mother, find a new place to live, and get a job, she turned around and went back, again, for bizarre, irrational reasons that will never make sense to anyone but her.  This time no one chased her.

I have someone in my life very special to me – he has a big heart and loves to help others in need.  He befriended a guy from his church that appeared to be friendly, genuine and fun to be around. Over time he learned his friend suffered with depression; however, eventually this guys’ true colors worked their way out.  His wife expressed frustration towards him for the way he acts and how hard he is to deal with.  As they’ve gotten to know each other and got comfortable with each other, the guy has proceeded to unleash his mood swings and anger on him for reasons only he may know, even though he has been kind and supportive to him during rough times.  He has stormed out in the middle of a conversation if something was said that he didn’t like.  When friendly inquires have been made about how things are going or how he’s been feeling he’s responded with short, angry comments, and vulgarity sometimes. 

All of these examples, with the exception officer’s mother who is not religious, leave you wondering why these professing Christians would act like this?

We cannot answer for them or explain their behavior.  Essentially they will answer to God as to how they have conducted themselves on this earth, and for the persons they have turned away from the gospel by enforcing the crazy, hypocritical Christian concept.

What are we to do?

Love one another as I have loved you.  John 13:34

This is not to say we need to be buddies with them, but to love them.  After all, we have done far more despicable things to Christ in our lifetimes and he continues to love and forgive us.

Pray for them.  Pray that God will open their eyes to what they are doing, and that they will get help.  Pray that they will be aware of how they are mistreating others and undermining the faith.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18

That doesn’t mean continually throwing yourself into the line of fire.  It can mean offering to make peace, and if not accepted, you have done your part.  Pray for these people, no matter how difficult it is.  In fact, we are commanded to love and pray for our enemies more so than our friends.  It is easy to pray for the ones we like, but not the ones who have hurt us.  And although we cannot go up to them and announce we have forgiven them, in our hearts we must. 

I find myself getting a little smug, even a little excited when I see my fellow student argue with the teacher and see other students exchanging glances as if to think, “There she goes again”.  But as Christians, to wish evil on our enemies makes us no better than them.

Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles do not let your heart rejoice, or the LORD will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from him.  Proverbs 24:17-18

Above all that, there’s nothing more we can do.  I honestly don’t believe that God wants us to expose ourselves to cruel, self-righteous people, especially if they are professing Christians.  Try if you might to confront them that their behavior is a poor witness to Christianity – because their minds are not well they won’t accept it.  But you’re still welcome to try.

You have faith; I have deeds. Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.  James 2:18

You can’t praise Jesus out of one side of your mouth and cut others down through the other side.  We are not called to scrutinize where each person stands with God; however, I don’t think we are to patronize professing Christians if they do not show their faith.  It is easy to talk a good talk but a lot harder to prove it.

Crazy, irrational people exist – Christian and not.  It is hard for levelheaded people to accept this; after all we expect others to be as level headed and logical.  Exposure to such personalities teaches us that this is not so, and to be aware.  So many of us get sucked in because we want so desperately to help, understand and love.  Once these people’s behavior takes a toll on our mental health, and especially our faith, I believe it’s time to move on.

My massage therapist made the need for “firing friends” clearer to me.  Despite the history you might have with them, and been through things with them, if they are dragging you down with their selfishness and bitterness, it is time to cut them loose for your own good.

This, I honestly believe – even though someone has had a difficult life, or may be going through a difficult time it does not give them an excuse to mistreat others, especially the ones that love them.  Why would someone turn on someone else who cared for him or her? Maybe because they know they will always be there for them.  They can put on a show for strangers, but unleash on loved ones.  This is wrong and it won’t stop until they see that their punching bag may not always be there for them.

What if the “crazy” in your life is not someone you can just “cut loose”? What if they are a parent that depends on you, or a sibling that you are forced to see at family functions? Christians love to quote numerous passages in the New Testament where we are commanded to honor our father quote verses from the New Testament commanding us to honor our father and mother; however, does honor mean we make ourselves susceptible to their selfishness, bitterness, and unkind words? And before you feel sorry for them, remember these people are on their best behavior when in the company of strangers, so they know exactly what they are doing and know who they can push to the limit.

Honor (according to the Random House Unabridged Dictionary) is defined as “honesty, fairness, integrity or beliefs in ones actions”, a source of credit or distinction”, “high respect, merit”.  While we are to respect our parents for the position they hold, we are not (especially as adults) commanded to cater to them if they are harsh and irrational.  Some might argue that with non-believing parents we should continue to interact with them, no matter what duress it puts us under, in order to share the gospel.  Well, I have news…if you’ve witnessed to them before and been met with stubbornness, unwillingness, and overall disdain for your faith you have done your job.  To keep pushing it on them will push them further away.  You are not in charge of your parent’s eternity.  It is up to God to tug at their heart when the time is right – they are not going to be talked into it.  They may just fall into the category below:

I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. Romans 16:17

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Ephesians 6:1

At a risk of sounding liberal, I learned a short time ago that not every verse in the bible applies to every person all the time.  The bible is a general guideline for how we live our lives.  Many Christians love to quote Jeremiah 29:11 because it contains happy promises (that God made to Jeremiah, no one else) and apply it to themselves.  However, they omit the bad verses, such as the ones pertaining to taking slaves, stoning for adultery, etc.  I’m not saying it is right to do these things, just that if you’re going to believe the good, you have to accept the bad, too.  But I digress.

My point about children obeying their parents is that this may not necessarily refer to adult children as well.  As kids, we don’t know better and need to do what our parents say no matter if it makes sense to us or not, within reason.  I believe that’s why that is there.  Where they not every verse of the bible applies to every person all of the time comes in, is what if a parent is abusing their child? Is the child still required to honor their decision to keep it a secret and keep beating them? What about verbal abuse? If a parent makes their child to feel worthless all their life are they to honor that because their parent knows best? These biblical guideless are general and assuming the family is part of a healthy, normal family, which as we see now there are more dysfunctional families than ever.  So at the same time we use the bible for it’s principals, we also have to use common sense.

This is where we learn just how important our faith is – when it causes us to turn our backs on bitter people because they are crushing our spirit and embrace faithfulness and goodness.   There comes a time when we have to accept the fact that we aren’t going to save or change anyone, and give up complete responsibility to the one who is in charge.